How to host a Friendsgiving

What is Friendsgiving

Friendsgiving is a Thanksgiving-style meal with friends, held before Thanksgiving or instead of it. It’s usually a potluck: the host makes the main and everyone brings something.

The word is newer than the idea. Merriam-Webster dates the first use of “Friendsgiving” to 2007, but friends have shared a Thanksgiving dinner for much longer than that.

When to have it

There’s no set date. Most groups go for a weekend evening in November, and many pick the weekend before Thanksgiving, since people travel home for the holiday itself.

Pick two or three evenings that work for you, and ask which suit everyone else. Do it three or four weeks ahead, before November weekends fill up.

Find the evening that suits most

A date asked in a group chat gets lost between replies. Kitokoto is a free date poll that shows which evening suits most of your friends. Free, no account.

Find the date

Who does what

The host makes the main, since it needs the oven longest, and sets the table. Everyone else brings a side, a dessert or drinks.

Write the list of dishes before you ask anyone, with how many of each you need. Then let people claim one, so you don’t end up with four desserts and no potatoes. A Friendsgiving sign-up sheet does this for you.

Friendsgiving food ideas

A Friendsgiving menu looks a lot like Thanksgiving, scaled to the group. For a table of 8 to 12, aim for this.

• One main

  From the host, since it needs the oven longest.

• Four to six sides

  Stuffing, potatoes, a green vegetable, mac and cheese, rolls, cranberry sauce.

• A salad

  Something fresh and crunchy to break up the plate.

• Two desserts

  A pie, and something easier to share like brownies or bars.

• Drinks

  Wine, cider, something sparkling, and plenty of water.

Not doing turkey?

A whole turkey is a lot of work for a small group, and plenty of Friendsgivings skip it. These feed the same table with less fuss.

• Roast chicken

  Two chickens roast in about half the time of a turkey and feed eight.

• Glazed ham

  Already cooked, so it only needs warming.

• Lasagna

  Made the day before, and easy to cut for a crowd.

• A big pot of chili

  Keeps warm on the stove all evening.

For the full list of sides, starters and desserts, with what travels well, see Thanksgiving potluck ideas.

What to bring to Friendsgiving

If you’re a guest, the best thing to bring is the thing the host asked for. If they haven’t said, these rules keep you on the safe side.

• Ask the host first

  A quick message means each dish turns up once.

• Bring it ready to serve

  Cooked, sliced and in the dish it goes on the table in, with a serving spoon.

• Don't count on the oven

  The host's oven is busy. Bring something that's fine warm or at room temperature.

• Label it

  A small card with the name and anything like nuts, dairy or gluten.

• When in doubt, bring drinks or dessert

  Both are easy to carry, and both always get eaten.

Friendsgiving games and activities

A few things to do after the meal, before people head home.

1. 1

   Thankful cards

   Everyone writes one thing they're thankful for on a card. Read them out over dessert and guess who wrote which.

2. 2

   Pie ranking

   Set out the pies, then vote on the best one. A quick poll in the group chat settles it.

3. 3

   Thanksgiving trivia

   Ten questions about the holiday, the food and the group's own year, read out by whoever didn't cook.

4. 4

   Board games

   Something that works for six or more after the meal, when nobody wants to move.

5. 5

   Leftover swap

   Everyone brings a container and takes home a plate of something they didn't make.

Friendsgiving invitation wording

Say the day, the time, the place, and what you’d like people to bring. Ask for a reply by a date, so you know how much food to plan. Three to copy and change:

• Friendsgiving at ours on Saturday the 22nd, 6 pm. We'll do the turkey, you bring a side. Let us know what you're bringing.
• You're invited to Friendsgiving. Dinner at 7 on Saturday. It's a potluck, so pick a dish from the list and bring something to drink.
• Friendsgiving at Sam's on Saturday the 22nd, from 5. Bring a dish to share, and tell us by the 15th if you can make it.

To collect the replies in one place, send an RSVP link with the invitation.

Questions

What is Friendsgiving?

A Thanksgiving-style dinner with friends, usually a potluck, held before Thanksgiving or instead of it.

When is Friendsgiving?

There's no fixed date. Most groups pick a weekend evening in November, often the weekend before Thanksgiving. Find the date with a poll.

What do you bring to Friendsgiving?

Whatever the host asks for. If nobody says, bring a side that's fine at room temperature, a dessert or drinks.

What do you eat at Friendsgiving?

Usually the Thanksgiving classics: turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce and pie. Some groups skip the turkey for chicken, ham or lasagna. Thanksgiving potluck ideas.

Do you have to have turkey at Friendsgiving?

No. Two roast chickens, a ham or a big lasagna are easier and feed the same number of people.

How do you organize a Friendsgiving potluck?

Pick the date, do the main yourself, and share a list of sides, desserts and drinks with how many of each. Ask about allergies when people sign up. Friendsgiving sign-up sheet.

What are some Friendsgiving games?

Thankful cards, a pie ranking, Thanksgiving trivia and a board game for after the meal.

Is Friendsgiving on Thanksgiving Day?

Sometimes, for friends who don't go home. Most often it's a weekend before, so people can still see family.